watermelon crawl

i know, you had hoped i wouldn't ever post here again. i almost didn't. but then god shook me out of my cave with the vibrations of a new, shitty country song, that i had to suffer at work today. so im sharing the love by mentioning it to you. have you ever been in a situation where you HAD to listen to some shitty music, and you knew it would be shitty, but then there's one turd in the bunch that just really crosses the line? and you had prepared yourself this afternoon, and you still went 'what the fuck is that'.

i introduce you to tracy byrd's "watermelon crawl". side note to tracy byrd, i hope you took that name off a porn. the watermelon crawl is apparently.. crawling across the ground? possibly while drunk? i'll let the song explain:

When the band started playing the watermelon queen said
Let me show you something that you ain't never seen
She grabbed me by the arm said come on let's go
She dipped down spun around and doe-see-doed
She rocked back on her heels dropped down to her knees
Crawled across the floor then she jumped back on her feet
She wiggled and she giggled beat all you ever saw
Said this is how you do the watermelon crawl

.

what? fuajl;kklasjkls

.

what?

She said we got a hundred gallons of sweet red wine
Made from the biggest watermelons on the vine
Help yourself to some but obey the law
If you drink don't drive do the watermelon crawl

i'm really at a loss. maybe you have to hear this as well to get the full effect, but im not about to reccommend that. seriously though what a fucking dumb song. and i want to be clear that the 'dont drink and drive' message is the one good thing in it, i have no beef with that. but god. if you're going to dissuade me from drinking and driving, write a better song around that message.

awesome.