im annoying but im glad im not this agressively annoying

im glad i don't have some chestnut of banter that i always say when i end a conversation or leave a building or whatever.

like, there's a guy that always says 'saw you later' when he leaves my work. or, a lot of old people think its cute to say 'dont do anything i wouldn't do' when they leave my work. its kind of sad in a way because that kind of shit is all these old bastards have now.

'dont do anything i wouldn't do' is supposed to insinuate that this guy saying it (the billionth fucking guy to say it and they are all anciently elderly) is one wild bastard. its all he has.

every once in awhile one of these guys gets played up by the nurses as 'oh what a practical jokester, hes the funny guy'. whenever i finally meet that dude he's always just desperately hanging on to what ever humor he has left, because life is scary and hes in a scary part of life. so they kind of heave jokes at you in halting speech and its always like, a nock-nock joke.

so, im just grateful that i don't say 'saw you later' to people when i leave a place. im sure theres some supposedly witty back-story or detail or reason why this douche says 'saw you later', maybe he works with a saw or something. im not going to indulge him in his cute little back-story.

i swear to god as i was writing this, another old guy left my work. he was compelled to tell me "don't fall asleep there or they'll make you wear a seat-belt". which makes very little sense but hey, i'll play along. im a nice person.

watermelon crawl

i know, you had hoped i wouldn't ever post here again. i almost didn't. but then god shook me out of my cave with the vibrations of a new, shitty country song, that i had to suffer at work today. so im sharing the love by mentioning it to you. have you ever been in a situation where you HAD to listen to some shitty music, and you knew it would be shitty, but then there's one turd in the bunch that just really crosses the line? and you had prepared yourself this afternoon, and you still went 'what the fuck is that'.

i introduce you to tracy byrd's "watermelon crawl". side note to tracy byrd, i hope you took that name off a porn. the watermelon crawl is apparently.. crawling across the ground? possibly while drunk? i'll let the song explain:

When the band started playing the watermelon queen said
Let me show you something that you ain't never seen
She grabbed me by the arm said come on let's go
She dipped down spun around and doe-see-doed
She rocked back on her heels dropped down to her knees
Crawled across the floor then she jumped back on her feet
She wiggled and she giggled beat all you ever saw
Said this is how you do the watermelon crawl

.

what? fuajl;kklasjkls

.

what?

She said we got a hundred gallons of sweet red wine
Made from the biggest watermelons on the vine
Help yourself to some but obey the law
If you drink don't drive do the watermelon crawl

i'm really at a loss. maybe you have to hear this as well to get the full effect, but im not about to reccommend that. seriously though what a fucking dumb song. and i want to be clear that the 'dont drink and drive' message is the one good thing in it, i have no beef with that. but god. if you're going to dissuade me from drinking and driving, write a better song around that message.

awesome.

ridiculous claim wednesday

the seminal classic rock song 'smoke on the water' by deep purple is actually about the life of anne frank.

in other news i can post to blogger, just not view my blog. which is oddly unsatisfying.

a haiku about blogger

my page loaded once
right after my complaining
just to bite its thumb


but we're back to not being able to see my new posts, which doesn't stop me from posting.

im going to get a random six pack this afternoon. forgetting for a moment that you won't be able to post in time to persuade me (im off work in about a half hour or so), please reccommend what beer i should try.

ive been eyeing @ the liquor warehouse: mendecino county products, negro modelo, spaten pils.

how original

missouri governer matt blunt pardoned "gobbles" the turkey today. here's the press release out of his office.

the article says more than 24,300 people logged onto the missouri dept. of agriculture website to help choose a name for the turkey.

seriously.

SERIOUSLY.

it is near the end of 2007, balls-deep in the information age, and, thanks to the miracle of the internet, 24,300 people helped choose this turkey's name.

and we came up with gobbles.

check out #10

check out schlafly's no. 15 ale, whilst waiting for our precious ESB.



thats right, wait for the ESB. because as of last week i still haven't spotted it anywhere. now, im not frantically out searching, but im starting to get a bit worried that there was no shlafly winter esb @ the campus derby. that was kind of my safe-bet-place to get it. soooo. in its stead, we have schlafly's no. 15, an american dark wheat.
as you might expect, no. 15 is a gnarlier wheat than usual, pouring brown in the glass and with a smell/taste packed full of banana and cloves. not at all the light fare i expect from american wheat. no. 15 is actually really good, great with pizza (but what beer isn't) or on its own, and not too heavy--just a wheat with more oomph and spice.

blogger fucks up too much

sorry there haven't been posts yet this week--starting last friday, ive been unable to even view my blogger page. im also noticing this with some other blogger posters that i read-- i just haven't been able to load any blogger pages in awhile. either the whole thing is down right now, as far as viewing blogs, or i linked to something wrong and caused the code of my blog to crash.

yargh. i had heard complaints of problems with blogger as of late, but had not experienced them until now. i blog with this service merely because my firewall at work will allow it, but if this blackout continues, i may have to blog elsewhere.

i think my longer title was crashing blogger

well norman mailer died the other day and i dont really know who that is, outside of that he wrote books that i haven't ever read. the closest i came is "the executioner's song"--not that i read mr. mailer's book by that name, but i DID read the x-men story arch that stole its title. (sorry normy, im grasping at straws here). porsche pointed out recently (with strong backup by j) how weird it is that i check the 'recent deaths' section on wikipedia every day. i don't even know why, i guess its sort of like rubber-knecking at a car accident. it IS like the third thing i do @ work every day.

there is at least one copy of the new adventures of mary and joseph out there, thats comforting. it WAS pretty funny, if un-original. im still trying to come up with another good concept for a mini-comic so post suggestions if you have any. the weirder it is, the more likely i am to use it.

earthquakes in chile yesterday and today, and did i see a cyclone in bangladesh? where was that cyclone? now all the apocalypse cult that is southern baptism will flood out, chicken littles popping out of the wood work to let you know that this is an unprecedented sign of the end-times. which it isnt. sky's not falling any more than it always was. le sigh. but at least it gives them something to talk about and feel right about.

and once again, to the news media: why am i supposed to care about oj simpson anymore? why do i need to be kept up to date on his pitiful vapid existence? the same goes for marie osmond's son, forest whitaker, georges marciano, celine dion, and abu hamza al-masri. dear cnn: i dont care, i dont care, i dont care, i dont care, i dont care. you are boring me to tears. i watched CNN fanatically in highschool, less so post-highschool as i saw formats change and a drop in quality, but i stayed with it somewhat. but now, god. im not saying any other network is doing better. but CNN, all your coverage is just shit now. and thats from someone who loved you. fucking stop it.

NEWSFLASH: shitkickers suck, your rural bullshit is depressing

the nurses have the radio on KTTS. KTTS (for those of you not in southwest mo, we can generalize this as 'country radio') makes me want to die even more. dear country radio: you instensify my hatred of the human race. and that is in itself very impressive, because i have A LOT of hatred for the human race.

everything's a big rip-off

before i get to jibber-jabbering, i'd like to introduce a new feature on 'warmth and green paper': i'm going to be posting random shit images from wikipedia, based on my mood and whim on each particular day. without further a do, here is the first one:




awhile back i cobbled together a mini-comic, 'the new adventures of mary and joseph', using stock photos altered in ms paint. man i felt good about it, i thought 'what a great funny idea for a comic book title'. i printed maybe 4--if anyone has a copy around, it is truly very rare, and actually i bet that they are all destroyed by now.

ive been trying to come up with other ideas lately, for a mini that i would draw myself, and i can't come up with any good ideas. periodically i would think 'man, i should try to draw that mary and joseph thing'. then i would realize that i have no skill at drawing beards.

well now i have even more reason not to do 'the new adventures of mary and joseph': turns out that another cartoonist has been drawing 'the new adventures of jesus' as an underground comic book since some time in the mid-sixties. so the one funny idea i had was an inadvertent hack-job. it makes me feel a little more insignificant that the real-deal-'new adventures' is DECADES old now.

well fuck.

almost last and definitely least, here's a public message to the shell of the daughter of rock and roll:

if the candle that burns twice as bright burns twice as fast, then i hope you burn three hundred times as bright. i hope they see you from fucking space.

and to wrap it all up today, i feel like quoting wonder showzen.

"what a delicious beating"

holy jesus, godfather's pizza comes to bolivar

i keep forgetting to tell you motherfuckers, that bolivar will soon have its own godfather's pizza. i did not in a billion years dream this day would come, and tears of joy are welling in my eyes because

I AM SO HAPPY



did i mention that i love godfathers pizza? i love godfathers pizza. it is GLORIOUS. dewey and i used to go to nixa for godfathers and i would toast the leftovers. its good fuckin pizza.

this is an excellent development.


WOOT

fuck me.

because i FORGOT that we have foster's home for imaginary friends vol 1 dvds just laying around. JUST LAYING AROUND. COLLECTING DUST.

WELL FUCK ME.

you will suffer my rath

for the sake of increased traffic i must continue to blog daily. the blogs shall not be substantive. rather i will cram random phrases (such as 'tijuana brass' and 'pleural effusion' and 'donger') into each blog entry, and see if anyone searches for those keywords (thank you, google analytics).

cabbage patch kids salad master blaster megaman ultraman mighty morphin power mice from mars the new adventures.

is california still burning or did they get that shit stopped? i just realized that i was hearing about that all the time, and now nothing, so i assume that the issue resolved somehow.

reading: tekkon kinkreet
listening: one word extinguisher by prefuse 73
drinking: sam adams boston lager, springbank cask-strength single malt
watching: whatevers on network tv.
drawing: the same suburban porch scene, over and over and over again.

ps. is it me or is christmas going to be here soon? well shit.

blood-sucker and the tangents

awhile back i was showing people my copy of 'the frank book', a collection of mind-altering jim woodring comics. jim woodring has a blog and i may have already plugged it here, but i just wanted to plug it again.

the woodring monitor.

most recently he's posted some really nifty sketches out of his moleskin.

lillith's lair (springfield's nasty porno den) has all novelty items and glassware at half off currently, incase you are interested in a fake booger or a fart whistle @ half the normal retail of a fart whistle. there IS something about fake dog doo that really fits in with the mood of lillith's lair. incase you wondered, i didn't just wander into the shop; i was goaded into visiting by a friend who works there.

what else? no post monday because the hospital has switched firewalls--i am busy browsing sites i couldn't just the other day. hoorays! i mean no. no, im not squandering any company time on anything, for the record. categorical denial.

woosh!!


one last thing-the liquor warhouse here in bolivar has started carrying 'fort collins brewing' products. so far ive tried the ipa, pomegranate wheat, and chocolate stout, and all seemed solid. hooray for beer!

does anyone know where i can get genesse cream ale?

here come the esb

november is here and the leaves are finally turning, but more importantly, november is a very special time for wes's beer consumption. how's that? well, you see, schlafly makes this beer that i love, absolutely love, and november is when it becomes available. and this lovely beer's name is schlafly winter ESB (extra-special bitter).


its available november thru january and it is superb. its only the 2nd of november but im telling you, brown derby had better have this in stock this evening. i will be there and i will be looking, and I WILL have my winter ESB.

this is my house. this is my house.

post halloween

well i was a bearded lady and i was drunk. i had massive hairy cleavage and porsche said i was way too comfortable in the dress. jordan and kyra turned out in army gear instead of the previously mentioned tarzan/jane matchup, and we did a little trick or treating.

i mentioned yesterday, that i wasn't the biggest fan of trick-or-treating adults. i can even understand a costume party much better than being older than 15 and still going door-to-door. so what hacks me off about that, is for all the dragging me into trick or treating, everyone else was like hiding behind my ass on the porch. fucking get up there if you were the ones that wanted to do this shit, jesus! i think porsche's bro just wanted to grab-ass in the dark. i hate that kind of thing, where its like 'oooo lets go do this' and no one really seemed like they wanted to after we fucking got out there. if i am 25 and not into halloween, and you are like what, 17? and on sports team, you DO NOT GET TO SAY "my feet hurt". what the fuck ever. i do more walking in my morning routine at work.

if im doing something that ive committed to in a costumey-way, then i expect to do that thing for more than 15 minutes.

i dropped my wallet in the middle of a random neighborhood in springfield, in the middle of the night. that jordan/kyra found it maybe 2 minutes after i realized it had dropped out of my dress, was nothing short of a miracle, and i thank them for that. that was awesome.

i was a pretty pretty princess.

actually i kept telling people that i had gone as princess diana. which is great because it was just hairy bearded wes in drag with a tiara.

all in all it was good times, and i did get complimented by the clerk at brown derby. happy halloweener!