stay away #1.

stay away from the music of deana martin.


who??

deana martin.

you know dean martin, right? the italian drunk from the rat pack. that's harsh though; i really actually like dean's singing. i understand why people have a healthy respect for dean-o, and i don't begrudge the guy his spot in the history of popular music. hell, im a drunk most of the time too.

well when dean had a daughter, someone decided it'd be just fuckin cute to name her deana. like dean with an a. its not like i was around at the time, so there may be an elaborate story or underlying reason. but i can almost garantee that it was more like 'aw hell that'd be fuckin cute'.

then, later on, deana got the great idea that she'd follow in her father's footsteps and be a singer. which would have been great for everyone, except that shes a HORRIBLE singer. HORRIBLE.

deana martin songs are instantly recognizable as horrible covers of rat pack classics. it sounds like my mom singing 'amore'. which isn't a knock at my mom's singing ability, its just that mom knows, and i know, that SHES NOT A SINGER. but deana doesn't know this.

deana doesn't understand that the songs she is covering are special, and that good performances of them hinge on something special in the singers voice. dean and frank and sammy all had interesting, unique voices. they had peculiarities in their delivery. they brought a lot of feeling into these songs-thats why they became classics. the rat pack did not get their fame from doing 'by the numbers' performances.

when deana does 'memories are made of this' or 'sway me more', there's nothing special there. she's basically on-key, she hits all the notes. nothing less, NOTHING MORE. its by the numbers.

how could you not realize that a 'competent' delivery of a classic awesome song will sound like shit? it sounds like shit deana, because we know how good it can be. we know what your dad brought to a song, or what sammy davis jr or frank sinatra brought to a song. they made it shine. a competent performance will not do.

maybe if deana was doing a new song, then i wouldn't notice so much. she unfailingly chooses covers of the rat pack songs, that have already been IMMORTALIZED by stunning performances, by people she can't hope to out-do. its a losing race.

"well then wes, why do you listen to her?"

i am forced to listen to deana through the magic of a syndicated radio station known as 'the music of your life'. this is what we listen to at work, and usually its good, because they DO also run the actual classic rat pack stuff, as well as all kinds of other interesting old songs. its like nostalgia radio--they even have little bumpers with an announcer saying 'remember those great old songs you used to hear on the radio? theyre all here on the music of your life'. thats kind of the station's pitch.

again let me say, they actually do some pretty good programming. there's a lot of variety--i must have heard a billion versions of 'fly me to the moon' by now, including an instrumental samba version, and thats damn nifty.

but they do me wrong- wrong, wrong wrong- by letting deana be a deejay, and by putting her songs in the rotation.

so if you have a choice, if you can manage it, if you aren't yet scarred by the mediocre singing of deana martin, i have this advice for you:

STAY AWAY.