would you jump off a cliff if everyone else was doing it

that whole cliff-jumping analogy is hard-wired into people's sense of parenting i think. its part of the pop culture now; the generic mom MUST use this phrase in cartoons now. "if johnny fiddlefart jumped off a cliff, would you have to do it too?"

to me its another spot where we're saying one thing to our kids and then doing another. as a whole society of whatever-the-fucks-we've-become. its just like school sells the american revolution to us as 'stand for what you believe' (which is this huge lie by the way).

so im supposed to stand up for what i believe, right? and not go along with the crowd if i think they're doing something stupid.

how am i supposed to do either of those things?

i can't, not without sacrificing my livelyhood and the stability in my life and, indeed, my life itself. not without visiting some measure of disgrace on my family name. not without taking drastic, direct action against things that most people view as the foundations and pillars of our society. unless i make these choices then i can't stand up for what i believe. i have to jump off this cliff of 'jumping through the hoop' for our shitty corrupt society, or blow my life away in a losing bid to wrestle control of the world from satan himself.

am i just going to keep feeling like a fraud until i actually get right by making some of these right decisions? because that's what we are, america and the world. we are a bunch of fucking frauds.

we all gotta get right with god. desperately. and as long as i keep jumping through this hoop, i am NOT right with god. its killing me inside.