i forgot that porsche and i will be accompanying her younger brother and his girlfriend, for trick-or-treating tonight, in springfield. jordan and kyra will be tarzan and jane; porsche and i will both be the bearded lady. i will be drunk. i will be very drunk.
in a lot of ways i am a big kid, but halloween is just not my forte. i think that trick or treaters, past a certain age, are kind of annoying.
a final random note. wine turns my poop dark, and my bm's a degree less satisfying. is that everyone elses experience, or something i should get checked out?
discuss.
Wednesday
Tuesday
halloween supplemental
do you know what really hacks me off, like really badly? people who don't like herbert the pervert, the old man pedophile character on family guy. its your right not to like him, but i don't want to be breathing the same air as you people who are offended by that character. holy jesus christ. let me quote some dork from the internet, dear god gimme the strength:
I didn't find OB1 being a child molester terribly humurous. As I said I don't like that character to begin with. I don't have many lines, but that is one of those lines.
and someone rebutting him later:
The character works fine for me because he seems so, well, impotent. He's too pathetic to be threatening.
so first off, i can't imagine a better proof of god's existence and benevolence, that family guy managed to do this to the above poster. they took the pedophile this guy is all creeped by, and cast him as the guy's favorite character in their star wars episode. that is fucking awesome.
second off, why does the pedophile character have to be impotent for him to be ok? i think it would be funnier if he was a little more able. but then that illustrates the comedy chasm that forms between me and the first poster. as does this other comment, which is where i just stop listening to people:
Hahahah, that is purely me being tired of McFarlane's over playing of jokes. It would have been funny but he always takes things 5 or 6 seconds to far. the scraping his knee scene is a prime example of that. A funny scene for the first 4 seconds, 10 seconds later...
for the record, peter scraping his knee is pure genius based on the timing alone. the timing (and the fact that he captured every memory ive ever had of scraping my knee, captured that experience in a vital way) fucking makes the joke. it WAS a funny scene for the first 4 seconds, 10 seconds later? STILL FUCKING FUNNY. FUNNIER.
i pray to god this guy doesn't have a neilsen box. although that would explain a lot of things.
you either get this shit or you don't, and if you don't, i really don't have time for you.
I didn't find OB1 being a child molester terribly humurous. As I said I don't like that character to begin with. I don't have many lines, but that is one of those lines.
and someone rebutting him later:
The character works fine for me because he seems so, well, impotent. He's too pathetic to be threatening.
so first off, i can't imagine a better proof of god's existence and benevolence, that family guy managed to do this to the above poster. they took the pedophile this guy is all creeped by, and cast him as the guy's favorite character in their star wars episode. that is fucking awesome.
second off, why does the pedophile character have to be impotent for him to be ok? i think it would be funnier if he was a little more able. but then that illustrates the comedy chasm that forms between me and the first poster. as does this other comment, which is where i just stop listening to people:
Hahahah, that is purely me being tired of McFarlane's over playing of jokes. It would have been funny but he always takes things 5 or 6 seconds to far. the scraping his knee scene is a prime example of that. A funny scene for the first 4 seconds, 10 seconds later...
for the record, peter scraping his knee is pure genius based on the timing alone. the timing (and the fact that he captured every memory ive ever had of scraping my knee, captured that experience in a vital way) fucking makes the joke. it WAS a funny scene for the first 4 seconds, 10 seconds later? STILL FUCKING FUNNY. FUNNIER.
i pray to god this guy doesn't have a neilsen box. although that would explain a lot of things.
you either get this shit or you don't, and if you don't, i really don't have time for you.
start here
no time for love, doctor jones! the universe is calling, keeping me from my transcription business. idle hands are the duvet's ploy-thing you know. that guy is a creep.
but, i had to tell you, there are great things going on in comics right now! your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to find a copy of one of these fine young fellows:
-Maggots by Brian Chippendale. its a little dense book with a ton of little, tiny panels on each page. the art is fierce and fast, fluid yet dense. god, all the work this must have taken. apparently the publishing of maggots was postponed by nearly a decade, i'm so very grateful that it finally came out. whats the coolest thing about maggots? the whole thing was drawn on pages of a japanese book catalog and you can clearly see this in the white-spaces of the work. the second-coolest thing? cameo appearance of MOTHERFUCKING HENRY DARGER ARTWORK on the back inside cover, under the dust-jacket. henry darger, the mither-effing man.
-Kramer's Ergot #6 (i would bet that the back issues are good, but what i got my filthy paws on is #6). this book is big and colorful and high-quality. kramer's ergot is what an acid trip would be like if it were a comic book instead of an acid trip. i like the ad-copy on the back, from time.com, that describes it as a jawbreaker for your eyes. or something like that. awesome. i want back issues of this but they're probably worth like a jillion dollars, this #6 is so cool.
not to gloss over the other stuff i got at star clipper last weekend--jeffry brown and 'the cute manifesto' and aranzi machine gun are cool and all. they just don't bust my head wide open like maggots or kramers ergot. this shit is the shit. i am SO INSPIRED by these two books right now. they make me want to just start crayoning all over my work-space until i'm forcibly removed from the hospital.
and then i jizzed all over the place! the end.
but, i had to tell you, there are great things going on in comics right now! your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to find a copy of one of these fine young fellows:
-Maggots by Brian Chippendale. its a little dense book with a ton of little, tiny panels on each page. the art is fierce and fast, fluid yet dense. god, all the work this must have taken. apparently the publishing of maggots was postponed by nearly a decade, i'm so very grateful that it finally came out. whats the coolest thing about maggots? the whole thing was drawn on pages of a japanese book catalog and you can clearly see this in the white-spaces of the work. the second-coolest thing? cameo appearance of MOTHERFUCKING HENRY DARGER ARTWORK on the back inside cover, under the dust-jacket. henry darger, the mither-effing man.
-Kramer's Ergot #6 (i would bet that the back issues are good, but what i got my filthy paws on is #6). this book is big and colorful and high-quality. kramer's ergot is what an acid trip would be like if it were a comic book instead of an acid trip. i like the ad-copy on the back, from time.com, that describes it as a jawbreaker for your eyes. or something like that. awesome. i want back issues of this but they're probably worth like a jillion dollars, this #6 is so cool.
not to gloss over the other stuff i got at star clipper last weekend--jeffry brown and 'the cute manifesto' and aranzi machine gun are cool and all. they just don't bust my head wide open like maggots or kramers ergot. this shit is the shit. i am SO INSPIRED by these two books right now. they make me want to just start crayoning all over my work-space until i'm forcibly removed from the hospital.
and then i jizzed all over the place! the end.
Wednesday
natural cures i dont want you to know about
i dont have much to add in the last couple of days. ive been cutting book pages into fours and then re-arranging the pieces to make new pages.
half of our dog is a bright green apple-sort-of color today, owing to a pan of house-paint being left down in our kitchen this morning.
on the 26th of this month i'll be 25. next year on october 26, i will be 26--its the one time in my life that i'll be 26 on a 26th. i like it when numbers line up but in general i stay away from numbers, since math is a big con game parlor trick. 0 is 1 is 1,000, all depending on the view.
but here is a quick top 5 list, things i'd like for my birthday.
1. glenmorangie 10 yr old single malt scotch whisky
2. comics or graphic novels (any and all selections are appropriate)
3. magic cards, preferably booster packs, preferably a box of lorwyn boosters(if you have the scratch for it)
4. art instruction books (any and all selections are appropriate)
5. glassware (i keep breaking my beer and whisky glasses!)
half of our dog is a bright green apple-sort-of color today, owing to a pan of house-paint being left down in our kitchen this morning.
on the 26th of this month i'll be 25. next year on october 26, i will be 26--its the one time in my life that i'll be 26 on a 26th. i like it when numbers line up but in general i stay away from numbers, since math is a big con game parlor trick. 0 is 1 is 1,000, all depending on the view.
but here is a quick top 5 list, things i'd like for my birthday.
1. glenmorangie 10 yr old single malt scotch whisky
2. comics or graphic novels (any and all selections are appropriate)
3. magic cards, preferably booster packs, preferably a box of lorwyn boosters(if you have the scratch for it)
4. art instruction books (any and all selections are appropriate)
5. glassware (i keep breaking my beer and whisky glasses!)
Monday
check out #9
check out tilburgs dutch brown ale; i was very impressed by the bottles i snagged this weekend. its a brown, like newcastle. nothing against newcastle but tilburgs is really a lot better, i think. i was looking for something with malt tastes instead of hoppiness, and tilburgs is exactly what i wanted--mellow, roasty, sort of sweet, really easy drinking for something so dark. the taste was layered and complex--no gruff hop punch waiting there.
Friday
chopwater the quotidian spine-fish
follow chopwater's amazing adventures in the department of the interior, as harry truman's disembodied ghost pits our spiney hero against the forces of global hegemony and the international guild of ninja zombies. discover the secrets of dianetics and the grisly truth behind the colonel's secret spices (i made them myself out of ham-bone! don't tell anybody!). all in this month's issue of 'schlock', available at your nearest union hall. that's 'schlock', 'approved by jesus and derided by the hitler!'.
you know who would have been an interesting motherfucker to talk to? henry darger.
more school shooting news as of late. we are so lucky about this shit and no one even understands how lucky we are.
currently drinking: schlafly pale ale
currently reading: "tekkonkinkreet: black and white" complete edition from viz
focused on: drawing.
you know who would have been an interesting motherfucker to talk to? henry darger.
more school shooting news as of late. we are so lucky about this shit and no one even understands how lucky we are.
currently drinking: schlafly pale ale
currently reading: "tekkonkinkreet: black and white" complete edition from viz
focused on: drawing.
Wednesday
wokwokwokwokwokwok
editing note: holy jesus, i keep having to change the pic i leach for the beginning of this pacman entry.
namco released pac-man to the citizens of japan on this day in history, 1979.
pac man dude. i love you pac man!
i had an awesome pac man cartridge for game boy color, at some point in the last couple of years. of course its long lost.
pac man is the man, i bet he could catch a well-slaked gypsy with only 3 carp and a clutch pencil at his disposal.
we love you pac man!
you can play one of several java versions online, its too obviously fucking around for me to do it here at work. and yet. so tempting.
by the way, if i mention something that's online but i don't give you a link, then guess what? you can probably fucking google it.
namco released pac-man to the citizens of japan on this day in history, 1979.
pac man dude. i love you pac man!
i had an awesome pac man cartridge for game boy color, at some point in the last couple of years. of course its long lost.
pac man is the man, i bet he could catch a well-slaked gypsy with only 3 carp and a clutch pencil at his disposal.
we love you pac man!
you can play one of several java versions online, its too obviously fucking around for me to do it here at work. and yet. so tempting.
by the way, if i mention something that's online but i don't give you a link, then guess what? you can probably fucking google it.
the sign say gone fishin but you know im here
well i wasn't here obviously. lets not get into a big fight over it. you know who brings the jujis, baby, you know its me. and i have bringing the jujis. oh yes.
remember when marion jones was being marketed as proof that you can accomplish your dreams and reach your goals EVEN IF YOU ARE A BLACK AND A GIRL? or whatever they meant by it, remember her on posters in schools? drinking milk and eating her wheaties or whatever, big shot athlete, sell me some cereal and some running shoes? yes you too, little black girl, can rise to stardom and maybe if you're lucky you'll be involved in a world-class sports doping scandal! the best part is that eventually you'll become famous for lying and cheating! THE AMERICAN DREAM IS ALIVE!!
porsche is getting quite a lot of storytelling leverage out of quoting me, of course the me she is quoting is post-5 beers and a quarter bottle of rum. i flat out wrestled her to the ground outside our house, and then at some point i uttered those immortal words that melt every heart:
"i gotta stick my finger up there, and wiggle it around".
my verdict is in and cheap wine is tired. i drank a bottle of yellow tail riesling recently, which i usually think is decent for cheap wine. a)it did not taste good, it was like you had soaked green apples in grain alcohol. b) i couldn't even really get a handle on if i got buzzed or not. i felt cheated and so its back to good old reliable beer. for a dollar more, the six pack of sierra nevada pale ale would probably have lasted me 2 or 3 days and been much, much, much more satisfying.
i am like, hard-core into the wiggles. can you believe that greg turned out to be jesus? awesome plotting. i may be thinking of something else.
remember when marion jones was being marketed as proof that you can accomplish your dreams and reach your goals EVEN IF YOU ARE A BLACK AND A GIRL? or whatever they meant by it, remember her on posters in schools? drinking milk and eating her wheaties or whatever, big shot athlete, sell me some cereal and some running shoes? yes you too, little black girl, can rise to stardom and maybe if you're lucky you'll be involved in a world-class sports doping scandal! the best part is that eventually you'll become famous for lying and cheating! THE AMERICAN DREAM IS ALIVE!!
porsche is getting quite a lot of storytelling leverage out of quoting me, of course the me she is quoting is post-5 beers and a quarter bottle of rum. i flat out wrestled her to the ground outside our house, and then at some point i uttered those immortal words that melt every heart:
"i gotta stick my finger up there, and wiggle it around".
my verdict is in and cheap wine is tired. i drank a bottle of yellow tail riesling recently, which i usually think is decent for cheap wine. a)it did not taste good, it was like you had soaked green apples in grain alcohol. b) i couldn't even really get a handle on if i got buzzed or not. i felt cheated and so its back to good old reliable beer. for a dollar more, the six pack of sierra nevada pale ale would probably have lasted me 2 or 3 days and been much, much, much more satisfying.
i am like, hard-core into the wiggles. can you believe that greg turned out to be jesus? awesome plotting. i may be thinking of something else.
Tuesday
what it is: the teapot dome scandal
random goat copulating with elephant.
oh yeah i need more of this guy's commentary on anything. thats what i call news, is a fucking liar's rambling opinion of how his bloodline fits into 'the american dream'.
"I am the son of a Mexican cotton picker and a construction worker who never finished grade school, and I served as the Attorney General of the United States. If anyone ever tries to tell you the American dream doesn't exist, or that you can't achieve it, I hope you'll prove them wrong"
because i sure as fuck didn't, and neither did my stated example, is how that should end.
OH PLEASE CNN, GIVE ME MORE OF THIS FUCKING UNDEAD WEASEL'S COMMENTARY ON EVERYTHING. PLEASE. IM DYING TO KNOW WHAT SUCH A FUCK-HEAD THINKS ABOUT ALL KINDS OF OTHER SUBJECTS THAT AREN'T PERTINENT EITHER.
i hope the next crony who has to jump bush's ship can write a little better than this, if that's where CNN is farming their commentators.
oh yeah i need more of this guy's commentary on anything. thats what i call news, is a fucking liar's rambling opinion of how his bloodline fits into 'the american dream'.
"I am the son of a Mexican cotton picker and a construction worker who never finished grade school, and I served as the Attorney General of the United States. If anyone ever tries to tell you the American dream doesn't exist, or that you can't achieve it, I hope you'll prove them wrong"
because i sure as fuck didn't, and neither did my stated example, is how that should end.
OH PLEASE CNN, GIVE ME MORE OF THIS FUCKING UNDEAD WEASEL'S COMMENTARY ON EVERYTHING. PLEASE. IM DYING TO KNOW WHAT SUCH A FUCK-HEAD THINKS ABOUT ALL KINDS OF OTHER SUBJECTS THAT AREN'T PERTINENT EITHER.
i hope the next crony who has to jump bush's ship can write a little better than this, if that's where CNN is farming their commentators.
done
a few days into the no-posts drought i realize that fuck the format, again, and fuck everything else too, and fuck you and your mother. this is my house. this is my house. and you are just a bunch of bol weevils under that fancy mask of yours.
thats very funny, a fly marrying a bumble bee.
news vaccuum. it sounds pretty. i wonder if we could get a high-c out of it, if i make the bore just right. stay with me here.
dont run away!
also my work email is wstrad@citizensmemorial.com, please send lolcats there. please.
dont stay up all night worrying yourself; the medical profession is as amateur and mediocre and straight-up-wrong as your workplace, too. im glad i was able to assuage your concerns on this matter.
jerry's final thought: there are a lot of wetback transexual carnies out there, tossing my salad and hand-churning my cole-slaw, but in the end we all get along because we all die; dead people are easy to get along with.
thats very funny, a fly marrying a bumble bee.
news vaccuum. it sounds pretty. i wonder if we could get a high-c out of it, if i make the bore just right. stay with me here.
dont run away!
also my work email is wstrad@citizensmemorial.com, please send lolcats there. please.
dont stay up all night worrying yourself; the medical profession is as amateur and mediocre and straight-up-wrong as your workplace, too. im glad i was able to assuage your concerns on this matter.
jerry's final thought: there are a lot of wetback transexual carnies out there, tossing my salad and hand-churning my cole-slaw, but in the end we all get along because we all die; dead people are easy to get along with.
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